Mutual Delirium

I wait to see what lies beneath
I wait for time to reveal truth to me
I wait to see if the seeds I planted
have grown roots and shoots and stems
to withstand the cutting bite of winter’s winds.

In the silence,
the glimmering outline of the castles
birthed by my mental constructions
crumble upon inspection.
The walls and beams,
rafters and joists,
windowless doors,
one by one,
sliding soundlessly
into the void.

Questions dog me,
fears taunt me.
Insecurity wends its way around my ankles
and lovingly knits itself
to my secret selves.

Did I mean anything at all to you
or was I merely a pleasurable sin?

All that shared laughter,
mad passion,
secret tenderness,
light and joy,
revelatory honesty,
was it my projection
or a mutually shared delirium?

And why is our delightful delirium no more?

I am an inconvenient truth.
I am a kindred spirit.
I am a path not yet walked.
I am a chord you heard,
in the purity of dreams,
but if you leave
will be heard no more,
in its place the barren echo of winterscapes.

I wait to see what lies beneath
I wait for time to reveal truth to me
I wait to know if the bond we shared
was real
or wish fulfillment
in the beguiling form of a mental trajectory.

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