There are many ways to avoid reality and we all indulge in them. We tell half-truths, omit salient facts, or tell giant whoppers to avoid the inevitable, or get our way. Many feel there is kindness in a lie as you shield the other party from stinging pain that is best avoided. Yet, the point of life is not to avoid pain. I am not one to run head first into walls, believe you me. Like most, I spend an awful lot of time being nice to people. I want people to like me and I want to protect the people I love from pain. And yes, it would be very honest to say that I wish to avoid it myself.
I am the person who avoids confrontation and so I will tell a half lie or be quiet, in many instances when I should speak. When my friends aggravate me, I blow it off rather than get up in their face. When my family annoys me, I just stop calling or I disappear into my self, it’s quieter there. I let them figure it out, or not, and lick my wounds in silence. I mean if they know me, or care, can’t they figure it out? Yeah, justifications aid in avoidance and dishonesty.
But you know what I’ve found? Lying is exhausting. Lying is a denial of who you are. Lying takes away choice from the other person as you spin a false reality that they react to and cling to while something completely different is going on.
I have lived too long on the planet to keep wasting time trying to live up to other people’s expectations of who, or what I should be. I am who I am. Who I am is pretty great and you will have to take me or leave me – faults and all. That is real love. If lies are required to set your mind at ease because you have suffered from past hurts, it is your job to get over it. It is not my job to repair you, or play a part in your fantasy. That sounds harsh but haven’t you found that nobody can fix you but you?
Most of all, I take exception to people denying me my choice, or taking it away from others. The feeling of being deceived by people who profess to love you is one of the worst feelings I know.
This stance has lead to many uncomfortable conversations that I would rather not have had. It has lead to self-realizations that have made me feel inadequate. Yet it has allowed me to clearly see those around me which is invaluable. Not everybody is for you and that is a sad truth. It has also freed me in a way I did not expect. It is liberating to tell the truth and let the other adults in the room work it out as best they can. It has also led to growth, as facing a hard truth is the first step on the road to determining if you can change it. “I’ve been selfish and mean in this situation.” Momentary transgressions do not define you, owning up to them and turning to face them does.
That is the person I strive to be. Who are you?