Business Woman or Employee: To Be Or Not To Be.

So, I was talking to my Mom the other evening about my latest angst. An old co-worker of mine recently got a new job in Telecomm after being unemployed for 1.5 years. I am jubilant for him, of course, but surprisingly I am a mite envious too.

I can’t believe that I am about to say this but I miss some things about my job. There, it’s out, that wasn’t SO bad lol.

What specifically do I miss? 

  1. I miss the challenge and thrill of technology. We loved working till all hours to figure out a workaround to an anomaly and emerging triumphant and exhausted. “Yessss!!!” is the best sound one can hear in the Technology section of an office. You just know someone has just kicked the ass of some reluctant and unwieldy application to get it to the nirvana of workable compliance.
  2. I miss the regularity of income. Not to mention that Corporate America pays it’s minions well.
  3. I miss traveling to exotic places and staying in world famous hotels on someone else’s dime. Hey the Ritz is nothing to turn one’s nose up to.
  4.  I miss dressing to the nines.  Lord and Taylor was my store of choice. I have traded it in for jeans, Bogs, Workman’s jacket, Pink Gators and a Garden hat. But oh how I miss Jones NY and Anne Klein.

So speaks the Project Manager/Telecomm Engineer turned Small Business Landscape Owner.

My mother’s succinct response was one powerful observation, “You need to decide if you want to be a business woman or an employee.”

Ugh, leave it to her to blow past all the bull and oust me. Of course, she is right and of course that is a no brainer. Walking the line between the two is making me a little crazy and just between us, I have enough crazy :).

Choice. We all struggle with who we are, or want to be, and I think what’s happening is that there is a schism in my head. On the one hand, I am still the snazzy, intelligent, articulate, Technophile and on the other I am the creative, Shepardess of Nature with Felco pruners clasped in one hand. One side of me, sits behind a computer all day, looking out a window that can’t be opened and breathing in recycled office air and the other is striding through somebody’s yard, sweat on her brow, barking orders at her burly, young staff (they just don’t know how to be gentle with flowers lol). The transition was so abrupt, that understandably, I have not fully adjusted.

Of course, there is the other side of the coin. I never expected NOT to be successful in this endeavor but was too afraid to be cocky and claim success. I never planned to go back to being anyone’s employee and that’s what this is all about. 

I look at our books and realize that we have been successful beyond our expectations, as we have grown leaps and bounds in knowledge, are establishing a reputation and have an established client base who values our work. I find it hard to believe that this is our third season as I can still recall the first client visit and “Yes” like it was yesterday. 🙂 I have no doubts that we can extend our reach and income by aggressive marketing and it is the next step in my plan. My vision continues to blossom…

So, no I have absolutely NO real wish to return to Corporate America but at the same time it is hard to envision myself as never working in Telecomm again. It was my life for two decades after all…but this is my choice. I am just one of those people who always has a hard time letting go and that’s the Truth, Ruth :).

Has anybody undergone a similar metamorphosis in terms of their career? How did you handle it?

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2 thoughts on “Business Woman or Employee: To Be Or Not To Be.”

  1. Perhaps you need to find a way to integrate more technology into your business so you can satisfy that part of yourself. I’m a technophile, as well, and plan to utilize as many gadgets as possible on the farm. And you and Art should force yourselves to have at least one night a week on the town so you can dress up and feel wonderful about yourself. While in the short-term that might take a little money, long-term the benefits would far outweigh the costs.

    I’m certain I’ll have a similar yearning for the classroom once it’s all behind me. I think that’s just natural.

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