I’m 43, or 7. It all depends on your perspective!

On Thursday, I turned 43, or 7. If, like me, you believe that when it gets hairy you should start back at the beginning then 7 will work for you lol. I have not been feeling fluffy about my birthday for the past few weeks and that is sooo not like me. I LOVE birthdays. It’s a day celebrating your existence. What could be bad about that?

Nonetheless, I have been ruminating on days gone by and moaning about that which can’t be recaptured and dreading our nemesis, the unknown. Two short years from 45 WTF!! I guess I have to kiss youth goodbye. Who knows what catastrophic events lurk around the corner? What painful lessons are left to learn? Which body parts will desert me when I least expect it? So speaks the crazy woman who spent $250 on glasses and refused to wear them for a year. Not to mention, what vicious new, grey hairs will spring out in the most visible places seemingly over night. Willful bastards.

If there is one thing that I know how to do really well, it would be worry lol.

I know that women get an unfair shake. Ageism is STILL alive and well and I am conscious that I have reached the age where my biological clock is winding down towards the dreaded Chapter M, I should be having Mammograms and burning my mini-skirts. Depending on who you ask, they are decidedly not de rigueur for my age. My friends now say bizarre things to me like “I don’t generally go out after 10” and others think clubs are a complete waste of time. (Don’t be mad, I love u anyway :)) As if listening to some kick azz music at full volume could ever get old. (Ahem, ask me that question in another 25 yrs). I was also told that the Museum of Natural History was a kiddie museum, as if the wonders of the world are only fascinating when one is under 14. Finally, I have also ingested the very sad premise that being sexy is a mere waste of time as if only nubile, young women have closeted the market and the rest of are fakers struggling to keep up.

My response really should have been a loud and resounding “Bullocks”! What a bunch of rot! I am too polite though so I said it in my head. “To each his own” is my personal motto. If there is one thing that I like about the 21st century it would be the rise of individualism and the generally accepted notion that boundaries are truly made only to be broken. Of course, at 43, I can see the negative consequences of this attitude pervading our culture but consider the flip side for a minute and smile.

My perspective, born of 21,024,000 minutes allows me to see that a great deal of inner strength is mine merely for the choosing. It is that strength which allows me to chart my course, wear any damn thing I want as long as I look good doing it, go to clubs and concerts and any other nosy, or “infantile” venue for the mere enjoyment of it. I can and do still stay up all night at the drop of a hat, watch TV for hours, read a good book till dawn, drive fast down dark highways with the wind racing through my locs, cheekily wear sunglasses at night (thanks, Corey) and get my groove on when I am stifled by the mundane.

I think of all the trials I’ve made it through and smile that I am still here to tell the tale. I’m so much smarter than I was and my character and spirit, as it unfolds is still quite beautiful to me. I’m nowhere near done yet and my appetite for life is still voracious. The tools in my toolbox are sharpened and oiled as well which is great since in my 20’s I had no box at all, if you get my drift. I still have so much to do and relish in the doing. Sadly, quite of the few of the people I have loved along the way are no longer here to share the journey. I feel that any other attitude would defile their memory.

I was at a restaurant in May, having dinner with a friend and the waiter kept staring and hovering over our table. Finally, he looked at me and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just that you are so full of life it’s beautiful.” That is the nicest compliment I have received to date. That kind of beauty is ageless and hard won.

It is not that I don’t believe that age, in and of itself, poses restrictions. It’s just that the biggest restrictions are imposed by our minds. So, I think it’s better to get my mind right than to become apathetic and accepting before I am really done. Doubtless, my mind and body will have to fight this out but I am up to the struggle :).

Here are some great quotes about aging:

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting  our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the
soul.” ~Samuel Ullman

“Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.”  ~Martin Buxbaum

“I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities.  It is the only pleasure I have left.”  ~Voltaire

“A man’s age is something impressive, it sums up his life:  maturity reached slowly and against many obstacles, illnesses cured, griefs and despairs overcome, and unconscious risks taken; maturity formed through so many desires, hopes, regrets, forgotten things, loves.  A man’s age represents a fine cargo of experiences and memories.”  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wartime Writings 1939-1944, translated from French by Norah Purcell

“Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
~Mark Twain


9 thoughts on “I’m 43, or 7. It all depends on your perspective!”

  1. Happy Belated Bornday Coco!

    No wonder your writing is so heartfelt and emotional, all of that Cancer energy is permeating.

    This post was so timely and well written. We arekindred spirits. I’m in my late 30’s and I’ll be damned if I allow someone to tell me I’m too old to blast my music loud in the ride when hot beat takes over me or tell me I’m to old to wear my hat the way I want to wear it. I concur with your sentiment that you should be able to do it as long as you look good doing it.

    We are all free 2 be what we want 2 be…


    1. Thank you for the birtheday wishes, Jason. I laughed so hard when I read your comment. It’s true that my Cancer sensibilities are on full display :). I am glad this post touched some people and hopefully inspired them to keep their swag. It gets more powerful with age, no doubt ;).

      I dig anyone who uses the word permeate and love Moet with Medusa. Your writing is great and you have a good eye as well. I found some cool people on your Blogroll.

  2. Re,

    I have a very big pet peeve about the ubiquitous “they”, as I call them. I love your advice!

    From reading your blog, I would say that you are up to the struggle and applaud all the steps that will take you there. 🙂 My birthday gift to my self? 3o lbs less to carry. In this heat (100 in the shade), I may just sweat it off lol but experience says I will have to work a little harder. I, too, am looking forward to rocking some of the forlorn pieces in my wardrobe.

    Thank you for your well wishes!!

  3. A belated Happy Birthday to you Coco!

    I loved reading your thoughts here. I’m older than you, and stubbornly refusing to color the gray anymore, so I see my silver badges of honor every time I look in the mirror. I always thought that I could rock a streak, but that was before unfocused coping skills during a bad marriage packed pounds onto me in some very wrong places. As I journey back into my waiting wardrobe (quite well chosen, if I do say so myself!) this whole aging thing, as well as society’s complex and often mean take on it, are very much on my mind.

    I love what the waiter said to you at the restaurant! I hope you’ll always keep the spirit of his comment in mind. Those who can see, will always experience the real you. Those who can’t see are unfortunate and ultimately not so important. Of course we have to suffer through our meetings with them because they can’t be avoided, but with the knowledge of who we are, we can reduce them to a distant low buzz in the background that we barely notice. We can’t make them go away, but we can take away their individuality so “they” just become a sea of “them” that we purposely ignore. (Of course you can tell that I’m trying to reinforce all this in my own mind, too!)

    I hope I’m up for the struggle, because I’m already in the thick of it, and my mind keeps stubbornly telling my body that I’m 37! (I blossomed at 37. 🙂 )

      1. Thanks! I think it is ever more adult for some strange reason. Have you noticed that more and more of the themes are no longer free? How sad…

  4. lol. My vote is for the former but I am sure you look dashing in glasses!!! 🙂 Thanks for the compliment and remember that you will only be 10 or better yet 1 lmao. Just think of the possibilities….

  5. I love the theme running through this post :). I turn 37 in August and notice, when I looked in the mirror the other day, that I actually thought I was beginning to look younger than I did 6 months ago :).

    It is either due to my every increasing sense of acceptance that life is life, and not worth worrying about – or my eyesight is actually starting to make it’s way out the door :D.

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