Is there really such a thing as coincidence?

Everything that’s old is new again and the majority of popular sayings just seem to embed themselves in your memory. They silently await their chance for recognition and rear their heads at odd moments. At which times you must ponder the truth or falsity of the progenitor. It definitely illustrates something interesting about how the brain works, memory and deduction, in particular.

The saying, or adage that has been rattling around my mind lately is, “There is no such thing as coincidence.”

After many days of rumination, I realize that I am preoccupied with how much of my life is destiny versus chance. In my attempts to answer this quandary, the saying about coincidences keeps popping into my head.

I don’t believe in coincidences. It seems to me that certain events and people came into my sphere with a purpose that while not immediately clear could not simply be chalked up to fortuitousness.

Like what?

Many moons ago, I was dating a guy who I thought was prime marriage material. He claimed he felt the same way about me. Unfortunately, I discovered the hard way, as many women do, that this was far from the truth.

Gliding along in relationship bliss, I had a dream that I was pregnant with a little girl. It was foggy when I woke up but the feeling of joy, certainty, love and peacefulness, remained. I went to the Dr. for confirmation and since I was only 3 weeks along, they couldn’t understand how I knew so soon. I would’ve cited the dream as proof them but I thought they might think I was a wee bit strange. Premonition? Coincidence? Spiritual connectivity? Take your pick.

I miscarried a scant two weeks later but not before my reluctant boyfriend proposed and I accepted. When I miscarried, he dumped me. The loss of the baby and the betrayal was devastating and it catapulted me straight into a deep depression. Even to think of it now, makes me sad. I was barely functional at work and spent many stolen minutes crying in the ladies room, crying on the way home and in my memory the entire time is shaded with darkness. Sometimes when a person is really far gone, they have no idea where to turn. I could not escape the feeling that I was alone, unlovable and that God was punishing me for a previous abortion.

I was on 57th St. in Colosseum Books when I met the mother of one of my childhood friends. Through her, I reconnected with my friend Pam that I had not seen in 15 years. Some connections remain, regardless of time and distance, and I was able to open up to her about my trials and she gave me the name of a therapist she had seen. Dr. Montague was a god send. She helped me in more ways than I can count. I am still counting them today.

Pam and I grew distant again after 2-3 months. In my mind, I am sure that her only purpose for coming back into my life was to allow me to make that connection. Imagine, 5 minutes earlier or later, I might not have seen her mom and missed that chain of connections that I so greatly needed.

My final example would be a friend that I made last year on-line. Social Networking and all that jazz. You meet hundreds of people and most of it means nothing.

Not this time. I laughed to find out that we had both eyed each others profiles, off and on for about a year, before we actually connected. I guess they call that drawn :). When we spoke, it was strange just how much we have in common and just how quickly we bonded. What makes it even stranger is that she lives in Africa, 7,369 miles away. You would not think to have a great deal in common with someone a continent away because of societal differences and the like and yet it is. I love her like it was simply meant to be and she has been a great source of encouragement and support to me during yet another difficult time in my life. “Damu ilipendana”. Such connections in life are rare.

My life is peppered with such incidences, the thread of which only becomes clear with introspection. I don’t believe there really is such a thing as coincidence.

Do you ever wonder about what forces in your life are at work?

Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.
Anatole France


6 thoughts on “Is there really such a thing as coincidence?”

  1. Blessings……
    I am back to answer your question left with your comment to ON THAT DAY, yes i wrote it. I wrote everything on my blog. If not I give credit to the person that did. Thank you for stopping in, i am glad you were inspired. Thanks again.

  2. Oh yes, I have! There are so many questions in my life for which the answer is, “Because It had to happen that way for ____ to happen.” I like the saying, “Things happen when they are supposed to.” I do like it a little less when I’m miserable, but many times it has calmed me enough in the moment to help me refocus on the now.

    There are so many amazing corners to life. How wonderful it is to take those good turns!

  3. In a word NO. I am sorry for your loss, your loss of child that is as for the other, honey you doughed a bullet with that triffling someone. Take it as a blessing that he left and understand all rejection, heart ache and pain isn’t always a bad thing although you feel llike crap and death warmed over. Simply put, honey you are worthy of so much more and you do not under any circumstances want someone in your life who is not 100% into you as you are into them. Half measures are simply not good enough for you. You deserve the best, say thank you too that fool for walking aways, now the door is open for the blessings to pour in.

    again…sorry for your loss….chin up my friend, your child will always be part of you.

    1. Hey Rhapsody,

      When bad stuff happens it is REALLY hard to say it is for the best. I think, people around us say it because its the easiest thing to say. It takes awhile to wrap your head around the fucked up stuff that happens to you and move on. It takes even longer sometimes to understand just why something was not for us when we wanted it so very badly.

      I am happy to say I did that and the chapter is closed. Painful in retrospection, but closed. Best to find out how he really felt about me before we said I do. We were so completely not for one another and to have been connected to him for life seems horrific to me in hindisght.

      There were a couple of very valuable lessons that I took from this and I needed to learn them.

      1. A person will only love you as much as they can. People usually do the best that they can but as you said, you do not have to accept second best. I am after all Thirsty for the Marvelous lol.

      2. Forgiving someone can be hard as hell but ultimately it releases and empowers you.

      3. Honesty, even when it hurts, is usually for the best.

      Thank you for the peace and blessings. We can never have enough.

  4. I was raised Catholic, and believed very solemnly in Christ and that He held my life in His hands. Everything that happened in my life had a purpose in which He gave me; nothing was left up to coincidence. When I started my junior year of high school, my entire outlook on destiny through God changed. My second novel, Battleground, is a bond of two journeys, and the journey of spiritual awareness is one of them.

    It is incredible what I have come to believe from discussing reason, free will and fate. I once wrote a quote that says: “Sometimes things just fall into place too perfectly to merely be coincidence.” I still experience these situations periodically.

    I’ve become agnostic, yet believe in an ultimate truth. If there is a conscious God, and everything happens for a reason in light of His plan for me, then great. If He’s watching to see how I handle life on my own, then I feel I have more purpose. If there isn’t a God, and it’s just the laws of the universe up there, I still feel that life is a blessing. The fact that we exist at all is a miracle.

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your view point.

      I consider myself a spiritualist and have never been a member of any religion. I come from a family of Catholics and Baptists but oddly enough, my mother decided not to baptise me, preferring that I make my own choice.

      I have never made a choice, largely because religion seems more ideal in conception than reality,and in spite of its lofty intentions remains very divisive.

      My beliefs, based on reason, spriritualism and intuition do encompass the idea that there is a God watching over me and what I see as coincidence or chance is really divinity at work. A blessing, as it were. It is a consciousness raising exercise to recognize, acknowledge and be grateful for each and every one :).

      Your book sounds cool. I assume there is more info. on your blog and will definitely check it out. Congratulations for having the heart to take a pen to such weighty matters!

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