The Battle Of The Pork Chop

Oy! Ever had a day when your head is just bursting with ideas and when you sit down to write you don’t know where to begin? Today is that day for me. I am, however, feeling the need for humor so I will try to put aside all other weighty matters for just one day. I hear you cheering me on :).

There are interesting dynamics that arise out of your relationship status and home life. Married? Single? Same Sex? Weekend Relationship Warrior? Daring Remarried-Divorcee with ever growing extended family? Interracial Hotbed? Embattled Single Parent? Fabulous Fashionista Club Addict and the list goes on. They are usually quite predictable in their joys and triumphs. The fun comes when they are not.

My status is rather simple, it’s just me and my fiance. We are NY transplants who have relocated to the suburbs. It seems like I’ve been here so long but I still miss the fevered pace of NY. Some nights, I am just overcome with boredom and just want to go OUT. Where? Ummm, anywhere that the restaurants don’t start closing at 9 PM during the week. I miss the hum of the streets and being able to go out and hang out with the other nocturnal drones. So, with a somewhat crazed regularity, we jump in the car and race to NY just cause lol. Now that the tolls are $12, I will need to rethink such purposeless, if entertaining, trips.

Examining the dynamics of our home life I have unearthed some interesting things. Since we are childless, unlike many of my friends, I notice that my stories vary wildly from theirs. It would seem that since there are no little ones to look after, scold, or entertain us, we have become ummm regressive in some respects. Case in point…

I have a fierce love of Pork Chops. Yes, I am a Foodie but this tops even gourmet food in my taste lexicon. Well, not lobster with butter which is, bar none, one of the most sensual foods on the planet. My love of pork chops caused one of my nearest and dearest to call me Chuleta back in my 20’s and I wear it proudly! My fiance shares a similar love for them, no doubt based on his Southern upbringing. We indulge in them once a month and there is always some kind of brouhaha. Why? Well, he is a food thief. You know, the kind of person that while cooking skulks in the kitchen and scarfs down any morsel of food they can catch. It makes me crazy and I have abused him roundly – all to no avail. He laughs at me and continues so I now compensate by hiding food as I cook it. Can you imagine?  Apparently, his mother also had to deal with this indignity so I understand that I am fighting against what is now an ingrained habit lol.

This week’s menu contained 5 Pork chops. We agreed that the 5th would be split. What then possessed me to creep down to the kitchen, in the black of the night, and devour the chop? I confess that I took great joy in stealthily descending the staircase and giggled maniacally while I ate it. I had a bloated sense of satisfaction that I had gotten AWAY with it and the thought of his face when he went to forage and discovered the thievery = PRICELESS.

He is the early riser and I sleep in whenever possible. He has been known, completely lacking inhibition, to reverse mealtimes and eat last night’s leftovers for breakfast. So, I did not get to witness his ire when he found out what I had done but he left me a reminder – A pork chop bone, picked clean and hanging from a string on the cabinet door. The bone wore a yellow Post-it note that read, “Next time, this could be you.” Just another day at the reindeer games. You can’t make this stuff up!

OMG, I laughed until tears came down my face. Score 1 for The Disgruntled Housewife, as he affectionately calls me. Do I care? Not one wit.

We have similar skirmishes over chips, nuts, crackers, cheese. Take your pick.

This then is what I lovingly refer to as “Walking what is left of our wits..” Which is a line from my all time favorite movie Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf? 

Hey, it could be worse, we could be taken with alcohol, like Martha and George :).


14 thoughts on “The Battle Of The Pork Chop”

  1. Wow, Coco, I’m so impressed with how many followers you have now. I remember your couple of entries, so timid and hesitant, almost apologetic for wanting to write, and now, you have grown so much. For whatever it’s worth, I’m proud of you.

    1. LOL. You were the first, so you ought to know. I had no idea it was so obvious :). Thanks for the compliment, I really appreciate it. Not a bad way to start out the morning. Hope all goes well!!!

  2. Thanks, Bella. LOL. EVerybody is NOT a comedian although they profess to be. We’re so silly that we have actually burst out laughing in the midst of an argument which is rather unique :). “Laughter and chuleta heals all wounds” and you can quote me…

  3. Coco, this man, even if he is a food thief, is a keeper! How I love men with a sense of humor and yours seems to have a wicked one. I giggled as I pictured you sneaking back in “stealth mode” to scarf down the pork chop. hee hee! You naughty chuleta girl! Hey, when you want a chuleta, you have to have it and that’s all there is to it! Good for you! 🙂

  4. Good morning Coco,

    Hilarious! LOL! I could only his disappointment. He was probably saying “damn, damn, damn” like Florida Evans. LOL. Sometimes, I look so forward to devouring my leftovers. Rarely, do I have to fight for them, or worry about someone beating me to the punch. I’m the early riser around here. 🙂

    Happy eating…happy loving!

    1. Afternoon Empress (lol). Yep, that’s it! Florida Evans will forever be immortalized by those 3 words :). I have to confess we have more than our share of crazy but you need that to keep sane these days lol. Viva La Food!

  5. That is terrific! Love visualizing you sneaking back into the kitchen to eat the last pork chop. You fiance has a tremendous sense of humor. You should have taken a photo of that picked-clean bone hanging on a string. Thanks for the laugh!

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