Ah well, I used to say I was a die hard romantic. Those days are no more. They died, well, hard. Ba dump bump. It’s a nice way to be but life has a way of stomping on one’s rose colored glasses, I’m just saying lol.
Ashton & Demi are splitting up. Color me, un-surprised, the odds were against them, or so I believe. Thanks to the ever zealous paparazzi, we all knew something was not quite right. Yes, that is the understatement of the year but I’m trying to be subtle.
I know I’m not the only one who watched their relationship unfold with great interest. After all, they were an anomaly. A sixteen year age difference tends to raise eyebrows, especially when the woman is the older of the two. The die hard romantic in me cheered them on with, yeah you know it, zeal. It’s a fantastic thing to break down barriers. Why can’t an older woman draw the undying love of younger man. It happens, rarely, but it happens. The niggling cynic that shares my space said, “Yeah, it may not matter now but how long will it take to matter?”
Of course, I’m not suggesting that it’s the primary reason for their relationship failure. No one could know that except for them. I am referring to the fact that an age gap between partners that’s not a big deal when you’re in your 30’s is a great deal more problematic in your 40’s. People run around raving things like, “40 is the new 30.” It’s a lovely quip but in our youth dominated society, is it real? Assuming that the age old stereotype is untrue, age brings with it a waning of attractiveness (and Demi has done a helluva defying that), there are other factors at play which are undeniable.
1. There is no such thing as youth serum – say it isn’t so.
I experienced this personally in my late 20’s as my 40 something lover, over our five year haul, slooooowed down. I will leave it to you to fill in the boxes lol. That’s why the men got busy and invented Viagra.
Some nice folks will say sex is irrelevant and I will say they are full of crap. Intimacy is always important, although there are various ways of attaining it, sex remains, in my eyes, up there with the top three. Orgasmic pleasures aside, it brings you closer in way nothing else does, as any good therapist will tell you.
2. “Mind The Gap!”
And no, I’m not talking about the London Underground. So, you will not think that I spend all my time contemplating nocturnal pleasures, the other is mentation. Any honest, analytical person will tell you that there is a mental and experiential gap between decades. This becomes a primary factor in relationships in terms of communication, life path/objectives and likes/dislikes. That’s real and it’s a stumbling block that not many of us can get around. After all, commonalities run neck and neck with attraction in the relationship realm.
With those things in mind, I loved seeing the “Dashton’s” defy the odds and turn all our suppositions on its head but in the end it seems their very human failings trumped all else.
Which leads me to my next query, is it possible for anyone in Hollywood to stay married? I have to wonder. What is it? The lifestyle? The autonomy and financial independence which serves as an equalizer for both partners, negating the basic glue that holds the fabric of many relationships together? The constant groupies willing to throw their panties or briefs at a star? The life of decadence? Egos bigger than life whose demands can never be met? I don’t know but I would have to say that the odds, plus normal relationship issues, are stacked against them.
It seems to me, strictly from observation, that the Hollywood-ese change partners like a game show. Just look, Susan Sarandon and Tim divorced after 23 years. For god sakes, there is a website devoted to that very thing. It will always boggle my mind what one can find on the web.
So, what do you think? Is it just media hype? Are Hollywood stars more prone to relationship breakups than us mere mortals, or are they just victimized? Is marriage a dying institution and are we fighting against the inevitable?
A Romantic Cynic